The day our life was turned upside down.

20 weeks and 3 days (July 2, 2010)

I woke up feeling the need to pee. I got up still sleepy but made my way to the bathroom as I sat down I found blood in my underwear. It was about 330am I called my doctor and asked what I should do. I started to feel cramping as she was telling "If the bleeding persists contact the office around 830 am and we will see you right away, but if you feel the cramping is not going away call me back in 30 minutes." So I said okay I changed my underwear and called my husband. It was really odd that he actually answered right away still sleepy but he answered. I told him what happened and I told him I would call him back.

So I paced myself back in forth for about 10 mins seeing if the cramping will go away and suddenly I felt something coming out, I made my way downstairs with only a tank top and shirt on and in my underwear also calling my doctor back and as I explained to the nurse she told me to call 911. (I have never called 911 or been admitted to the hospital and I was doing all this in one day) about 355am I hung up with the nurse and called 911 as soon as the caller took my call my water broke. Frantically I told the 911 to send an ambulance to please help me and my baby. As I finish my sentence my son was born as he came out quickly I caught him with the free hand I had. As he came out his umbilical cord busted and I just kept bleeding. I felt him move and felt that he gasped for air a few time. I was still yelling "save my baby please where's the ambulance?" As the lady on the phone said "Ma'am can you find something warm to wrap your baby. As I did I almost slipped on the pool of blood. only thing I could find was my old and worn out "Navy" t-shirt that I would wear around the house that Steve bought for me a few years back. About 10 mins later a fire chief had shown up with 2 firemen. I pleaded with him to save my son. To please look at him first I didn't care what happened to me I wanted all their attention to my son. So the fire chief had check for my son's heartbeat and he didn't have one. As I gave him to the fire chief they started to take my vitals blood was still coming out. A few minutes later the ambulance had arrived and I was being place on a gurney and being wheeled out of my house. I made sure they lock the door and took my back pack which had my phone and other essentials I needed and they also grabbed a pair of shoes for me. I could still feel the blood coming out as I was wheeled in the ambulance. Oxygen mask over me, 2 IV lines being started. As one of the paramedic tried to calm me down all I could ask for is my son, where was he and is he going to the hospital. The paramedic reassured me that he was in the ambulance with me and he was still with the fire chief sitting up front. As I was being rush to the hospital I heard the ambulance's sirens and me saying "My husband is gonna be mad at me, my husband is gonna be mad at me, I couldn't save our son." Paramedic kept reassuring me that Steve wouldn't be mad and that I did everything I could. Even now I still believe Steve would be mad and someday blame me.

As I was being wheeled to my room starting to feel hazy and light-headed I had thanked the paramedic. Blood was still gushing out as I was transferred to my bed. A few mins later my doctor comes and I could faintly hear what her and her nurses were talking about. As she came closer she tried to examine me and could tell that the placenta was not completely out so she SHOVED her hand up there and tried to feel for the placenta... That was the most painful 1 minute of my life. I didn't know at the time what she was doing and I felt that I was going to rip the side bars off my bed. She would not explain the other nurses were telling me what she was doing and what was happening. Then she had stopped and said I needed to be prepped to go to the OR and get the anesthesiologist down here to come talk to me. I had about 3-4 blankets on top of me to keep me warm. I was hovering about 60/20 bp. One of the nurses came and said "is there anyone you would like to call?" So I weakly said "I would like to call my husband can you hand me my cellphone in my backpack please?" As I was dialing and dreadfully didn't want to tell him our son had been born and had died. Hoping he wouldn't yell or be mad. As he picked up the phone I explained to him what happened, that I was in the hospital being prepped for the OR and that our son had just passed away. He was getting ready for work and this was around 530am. As I hung up with him I started to cry once again telling myself that he would be mad at me for not saving our son. A nurse had heard me and tried to console me and saying that it isn't my fault. A different nurse had came in and ask to sign some papers of "advance directive", anesthesia and other things I could not remember. As I was being taken to the OR the anesthesiologist had arrived and came to talk to me about the side effects and dangers of anesthesia (paralysis, brain damage and even death????). I signed it and within seconds I was receiving a mask with the anesthesia. In about 10 secs I was trying to fight it off because of the smell and I couldn't breathe and that was the last thing I remembered.


I had came around about 730 am still in the OR recovery area and my nurse for the day was being prepped of my situation and as she finished she and another nurse wheeled me back in my room. I was so thirsty and one of the nurses had to sneak in some ice chips for me, it was all I could take. Ashli and a few other nurses took really good care of me. Once I was situated my pillow was just right all my IV's were set blood being pumped into my left hand and plasma in my right hand. I finally got a chance to call Steve. As I got my cellphone out I had missed 12 calls. Seeing that the last call was from his work I thought I would try to call that place first. As I finished dialing the number and by the time someone answered I only heard the last part of the greeting. I asked for Steve and said that he has left. So I contacted him on his cellphone and he had just got on the freeway. I felt so weak and he said "they are giving me until Thursday to come back. How are you? What is our baby's name?" I had let him choose and he picked Ryan Alexander, which we have been talking about that combo since we found out he was a boy. I said Ok I love that name. I had to hang up with him since I could barely hold my hand and I told him I would call back in an hour.

Ashli had walked in to check on me and asked if I wanted to see our boy and I said yes. She asked me if we had a name picked out and I said "his name is Ryan Alexander" At around 830am as I was holding my sweet boy for the first time in 4 hours I cried again saying "I am so sorry. Please don't be mad at me." just repeating it over and over. After that I had taken some first pictures with him.

First picture with Ryan and I

Ashli had given me some time with Ryan instead of her checking up on me every 10 to 15 mins she checked on me every 30 mins. It was about 930 or so when my family came to see me, I told Ashli not to let them in until she takes Ryan I wanted Steve to be the first to see him than anyone else. As she led my family to the waiting room she had brought in more warm blankets to replace my old and cold blankets. She took Ryan and brought my family inside my room. My family came and check on me for an hour and then they headed to my house to clean the mess I made. I asked for a request that tomorrow to make Steve all his favorite food for his birthday pork adobo, pancit, and lumpia. As my aunts and uncles left they promise they would make it and that they would stop by again at night to bring me food and anything else I needed.

To be continued on my next post.